It's 10 pm on Tuesday night in July and I am driving around bawling my eyes out. A lonely summer full of work does not one happy girl make and add on the anxiety of transferring schools and the mixture is deadly.
I did not want to go to Iowa. In fact, I had it set in my head that my life had peaked at Mizzou and that I was giving up everything I wanted and dreamed of in order to go to the school I had always said I would absolutely never go to. Certain relationships weren't continuing as smoothly as I had pictured them and the year ahead already seemed to be going in a completely different direction than I had planned for my college career. I didn't want to be stuck in high school, I didn't want to feel insignificant and as though I was giving up. At times I even felt embarrassed to tell people I was transferring to Iowa because I felt as though everyone was only thinking to themselves that I had failed. I thought that people were thinking that I couldn't handle being away from home and felt the need to chase after certain people in my life. Maybe I thought this because I had convinced myself that all of this was true.
The year began with quite a rough start. I had to learn that just because you tell yourself you're okay does not necessarily mean you've allowed yourself the proper time to actually be okay. You cannot magically be fine after something difficult happens in your life, you are allowed to be sad and you are allowed to be hurt and recognizing this is so much more helpful than denial. Realizing that you are hurt allows you to come up with beneficial ways to cope and find substantial recovery rather than trying to drown it out with partying and other destructive quick-fixes.
Though I by no means have things figured out, I think I am beginning to find the right path towards doing so. Learning lessons the hard way has guided me towards making changes in my life and deciding for myself what it is I need to do to be happy. With this being said, I want to extend a really big thank you to the friends I have met this year at Iowa.
The ladies of DG here took me in as a friend immediately and though it's been hard to completely dive in due to my living situation, I feel as though I have really established some relationships with people that are going to last a lifetime. Thanks to the girls who have gotten McDonalds with me an ungodly amount of times this year. Thank you for letting me borrow your clothes, lay in your bed, and introducing me to your wonderful mothers who just might be more fun than us youngins. Thank you for letting me rant to you, for ranting to me, and for not judging me when I might have gotten a bit off track. Thank you for not trying to change anything about the way I am and seeming to enjoy my presence (may be an act but that's alright, I'll take it).
Thank you to the people that convinced me to go out when I know that I shouldn't have and thank you to the people that went to a movie with me when I didn't feel like doing my hair to go out. It's been one of the most learning years of my life but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else during it. It is so comforting to look at the people surrounding you and know that these are the right people you should be growing up with. The people I have met at Iowa are exactly the type of people I always pictured my college years with.
It might not be the college experience I thought I was going to have but I'm beginning to learn that that's part of the adventure and what makes it so fun. Always keep an open mind about your decisions because I still truly believe everything happens for a reason. I'll always be so grateful to the friends I made this year that took me under their wing as a transfer and intruder into what their comfort zone was. Cheers to going to the same school for two years in a row!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments