Importance of Mental Health Awareness

Blog readers, today I am sad.

The past week was absolutely unreal. It was homecoming and there were so many exciting things and I was really able to feel involved and like I was becoming part of Iowa. I got to dance onstage with some of my DG sisters, I got to go to a Chvrches concert on the Pentacrest, front row with my best friend, I got to tailgate for the Hawks and spend a crazy Saturday with friends both old and new. On Tuesday I got to see another great band Wild Belle, front row with some of my best friends and even got to meet the band afterwards.

 Chvrches on the Pentacrest

 Wild Belle at Gabe's

On Wednesday I got to see one of my favorite artists of all time. If you don't follow me on Instagram, I started to listen to Conor Oberst when I was in sixth grade. From the moment I heard his music I knew he was not at all like any other artist I would ever come across. Conor writes music with these lyrics that are so clever and honest that I'm always left breathless. He has a way of leaving everything he has ever felt on the stage or in the studio. There's something really magical about a person that can be so open and vulnerable, especially to a crowd of strangers. I could never put in words how beautiful it is to be so exposed.

Which is why I think I have been feeling so sad and heightened. This is about to be the worst metaphor ever but it kind of feels like I've been feeling everything with a filmy layer over, trying to hold back from the reality of my sentiments in fears that it might be bad. Well, Conor came right in and wiped that filmy layer off and I've just been feeling so incredibly vulnerable ever since.

Upon arriving home, I was given the news that John Jantzen, a former schoolmate of mine a year older, had passed away. I can't sit here and pretend as though John and I were good friends, or even that we really talked, but going to such a small school makes it difficult to not have at least a surface level relationship with everyone around you. For some reason this news hit me very hard. It's so painful to know that people are hurting so bad and feel as though there is absolutely no one to help that they believe their best option is to end everything. It's so difficult to realize that people around you are in so much pain inside and don't think they can share or find solace in the society surrounding them.

I genuinely believe that this world will not be able to even begin helping prevent suicide until everyone realizes how severe of an issue mental health is. Being a fairly new cabinet of medical studies, I realize that it is difficult for people who are not used to it to get out of the state of thinking some people just need to "get over it" or "man up" or any of the other age-old "solutions" to feeling mentally unstable. If you go to the doctor when you feel a tickle in your throat, why is it not the norm to go when your mind is going haywire or you're feeling absolutely lost? The mind is a lot more complex and difficult to study than most other body parts but that does not mean it does not require the same amount of help and upkeep.

So I am sad today. I'm sad for John and I'm sad for all the other people that felt as though the only way out was the end of their life. I'm sad for all of the people who walk around everyday with a fake smile plastered on their face when on the inside they are barely holding on. I want people to understand that asking for help can be scary but there are always people willing to be there for you. I hope this world learns to take care of people hurting inside better.

RIP John. I hope you find the peace you were looking for.

Going to paint you all a picture real quick here:

Mid-afternoon and 63 degrees on October 2nd. Sitting on the porch with small shapes of perfect light coming through the windows on the ground and walls beside you. Out the window you see a huge tree with leaves just slightly turning that yellow-green color you only see in early fall. Your sweater and ripped jeans give you just the perfect amount of warmth in the autumn breeze. Bon Iver plays on vinyl one room over as steam from your coffee dances in the light shapes and a single brown leaf falls right outside the window to your right.

How does life get better than this? How is anyone's favorite season anything other than fall? I can't get over how much better the music sounds, how much sweeter the lattes taste and how perfect the temperature feels in my favorite flannel! Alright I'm sorry, the fall obsession will cease now. But only for now:)

It's been one heck of a week and I have been absolutely unable to attend to any type of leisure activities due to a rather large midterm but guess what world?! It's over. Nothing feels better than a Friday with all of your responsibilities taken care of.

My most recently notable adventure was the arrival of two of my best gals from Mizzou in the big IC! Julia and Jamie pulled up to the Big Red House last Friday and let me tell ya, we had one heck of a time. Did we do the fight song while we were out? Maybe a few times. Did people want to punch us because of all of our inside jokes? Possibly. But wow do I miss those girls and all the fun I have when I'm with them. Sometimes it's a bit strange because I feel like I have a completely different life from who I was at Mizzou. When I am able to see my friends I am reminded of how I have changed-not necessarily in a bad or good way-but just how much is different. If anything, I'm so glad I go to Iowa because it makes being able to see them and spend time with them all the more important and fun and I am always reminded of how much they matter to me and always will. Great times with some truly wonderful people who I miss dearly.

To update you on all of the million things I am involved with, Kevin Hart is tomorrow! I'm really excited to be able to help out with this. Even if you aren't a huge Kevin Hart fan, you cannot deny how cool it is that we were able to get him to come here! I think it will be hilarious and a good time had by all. We had our first Spoon University meeting this week and I'm really excited about all the people involved! Though it's difficult to get an organization going from the ground up, it's going to be really great once it's going! P.s. if you aren't following @spoon_iowa on Instagram and liking all of the pictures you need to do that now, I will be eternally grateful (to be said in the voice of those one Toy Story green toys). I also just got an email yesterday saying that I was named Public Relations Student Society of America member of the week! Holllllaaaa! I may or may not have been named Bachelorette of the Week which my mother said was "icky" and I find just hilarious. The best part about it was how all of the people that liked the post were either: a family member, a DG, a family-friend that's a priest, or my high school friends. It's alright guys, one day someone will think I'm cool!

I'm happy. I just can't stop staring at this scene around me and truly thinking that, which is so freaking cheesy and I'm sorry but it's just great. Everyday I feel challenged and creative and different and I think that's how I've always wanted to feel. I feel like being here at Iowa is where I need to be in order to become the person I want to be. I'm learning and I'm trying and I'm failing but ultimately I can feel that I am growing. I know not everyone can understand the way I feel and that's okay. Sorry for the sentimentality but it is just a great day. Take 7 minutes out of your day today to enjoy the brisk air and the quirks that make you different and special because people don't do that often enough. Happy Friday:)