Thankful Sunday

I meant to write something to post on Friday about what I'm thankful for but a few things got in the way and I just wasn't feeling very joyful but today I am ready to be thankful. A reoccurring theme in my posts and in my life, it is time to see all the cracks of light in the dark and amplify them. Today and, if I'm smart, everyday, I am thankful for:

Two parents who give me the world. Jan and Steve have always given me such a great life, but not without the work behind it. I'm thankful that they question all of my decisions because it makes me do the same, I'm thankful that they never showed too much pride in me to challenge me to always remain humble, I'm thankful that even though it might sometimes produce some ridicule, they see something different and special in me. I'm thankful for a life of Catholic school and the ability to pursue my dreams, even if Steve-o had to have a few beers in order to get through some of my dance competitions. All of my favorite memories were made possible because of the hard work and unconditional love of my parents.

My siblings who bring endless amounts of smiles with their endless amounts of frustration. Yeah, there have been times when I pinched Mikayla with literally every ounce of strength I had, or I said something to Mackenzie that never needed to be said, or I...wait every time I try to get mad at Mike he just laughs at me..anyways, we've exchanged our fair share of frustration. However, it never seems to be able to last long because my three siblings absolutely sculpted me into who I am today. I'm thankful for advice, for help with school, for endless amounts of laughs and memories.

My best friends. Moving schools has really made me appreciate the people in my life that I know are there forever. It's easy to tell who these people are because even after time being separated, the second you see each other again it feels like you never left. I'm thankful for the people I am able to send long ass texts to in order to vent or ask a million questions about their interaction with a friend of a friend. I'm thankful for sleepovers and pizza orders, for loving me even when I had the mumps (or actually hating me, gotta respect the tough love), for people that bring me chocolate because we all know it's the only way to glue a broken heart back together, for being open and understanding and for loving me even when I am not the person they know I can be.

My school and the city I am able to study and live in. Whenever people ask me why I switched schools, the first thing that comes to mind is that I wasn't sure if I would be able to become the person I wanted to be at Mizzou. There's nothing wrong with that and I absolutely adore the school, but I am so thankful that I attend the University of Iowa and live in Iowa City. There's something electric about Iowa and I have met some of the most kind, genuine, creative, and inspiring people here. Being 12-0 isn't so bad either, maybe I'm their good luck charm?

I'm thankful for my mistakes and the people that have given me second, third, or maybe hundredth chances. I'm thankful for understanding that love is about the trust that someone will try again and that life would be so boring if it were static. I'm thankful for trying to put back the pieces even better than before and having the faith that you're on the path that will lead you to the right person or in the right direction. I'm thankful for the abundance of opportunities ahead, places to see, people to meet, and changes to make. I'm thankful that I'm here and life is still moving.

Happy Thanksgiving and holidays. Time to put up a 6.5 foot tree in Big Red that will probably have broken ornaments within two nights. But that's college for ya, making the best of what we have.

#BREAKTYYYmmmeeeEEe

What up what up readers, it's ya girl Morg here, hitting you with some more diary entries about the #sadlyfe just kidding we kicking it!

Finishing my third full day of laying in bed, can you tell?

On Thursday, November 20th, a wonderful bundle of joy came into my life and blessed me more than I knew possible. Parotitis, also known as the mumps decided to join my life and make all of my loved ones afraid to interact with me so here I am in the dark on my computer which I'm sure looks just as creepy as it sounds. I drove home at 6:30 am thirsty for some loving from my mom like any college kid desires while under the weather, but instead was sent away. Sent away lovingly though, I will add. Basically I feel like the kid no one wants to hang out with because they have bad BO or dandruff or something so I figured instead of going on episode 22 of One Tree Hill I would write a post. Let this be a PSA though, get your dang mumps booster.

Let's talk about Friendsgiving, baby. Okay sorry gotta take a second here to be really proud of myself because I made a whole, real dang turkey all by myself. I screamed, I hyperventilated, I stuck my hand literally inside of it and felt like I pulled out a little bit of my soul with it, but I did it. I also made gravy, green beans, rolls, and stuffing, all with the help of my friends! We left the mashed potatoes to my friend Mary and the pumpkin bars to Joe, both of them killed it with family recipes! Actually, come to think of it, I am pretty sure we left the pumpkin bars in the fridge and they'll be there the rest of the break. Oh well, more when we get home! (I swear I'm kidding) If you haven't seen the picture on Facebook, here's all of us. We couldn't wait long enough to eat to actually take pictures of the food because we were so hungry. Also, there might have been wine involved to influence that decision...

I'm not quite in the mood yet to make my post about what I'm thankful for because, honestly, my miserable mumps are oozing all over my personality lately. Instead, here's something I've been thinking about recently:

On Friday night I volunteered at an Assisted Living Home in Iowa City. I won't pretend to be a saint and say things like I was driven and unbelievably excited for my volunteer hours and nothing life altering came from my time spent with the lovely elderly people in the home. But as it almost always does, my conversation left me with something that hasn't been able to leave my mind. Sure, after the third time of repeating my major I was a little tired, but it was when I started really listening to what a very wonderful lady kept saying that I realized just how important it was to her. She kept asserting how much she wished she would have traveled.

I feel like almost everyone has a desire to travel, but sometimes I truly believe I have the landlocked blues. Constantly stricken with wanderlust, ideas of places to see are probably my favorite things to pin and research. I've been lucky enough to go out of country twice in my life; once in Spain and once in Ireland. Talking with this lady and hearing of her strong desire to be able to see the world hit me because I know that now is my time to do that. Now, when I'm young and able to, with nothing tying me down. And isn't that a blessing?

I mean, just look at this! The most grounded I've ever felt in my life was standing there. I think traveling has generally made me a more open and curious human. I want to know why and how countries and people do things differently, I want to see the world and Americans from the perspective of a foreign country. The past two times I've traveled, I have questioned everything in my life. It's hard to explain if you've never been but you genuinely cannot come back the same if you truly absorb your time abroad. 

I have so many plans for the future and most of them involve some sort of traveling. And yes, money does not grow on trees and it is a priority in decision making but I also think it has helped me prioritize what is important in my life. Traveling has taught me that there's no price tag that goes on the feeling of dipping your toes in the ocean in Barcelona or singing drinking songs in an old Irish pub while the rain pours down. It is the most hands-on and refreshing way of learning, with lessons that truly matter (not saying education doesn't matter, go to school kids). I've learned how to flamenco, how to pour the perfect pint of Guinness, and how to navigate the heart of Madrid at night. Those are the lessons I'm going to remember, those are the ones that matter to me.

Viva España and long live all the Galway Girls, I cannot wait for my next adventure.

P.S. your next adventure should be to the doctor for your mumps shot, I heard it's great. I think I'm going crazy.

Muddy Water

I'm not very sure how many people know this but I have a tattoo by my left ankle (don't worry both parents already know).

I sometimes get "Ohhhh. A flower..." and yes I got quite a bit of shit from the tattoo artist during the process but the point of this tattoo was not to have a pretty flower on my foot. The lotus is a flower that blooms and thrives in muddy water and that was something that was really significant to me this past year after it felt like I was just continuously knocked down by life. The lotus means new beginnings and not only starting over, but thriving in your redo. Given a chance to make something novel and better out of what others may see as not so great soil to start in. 

Unfortunately, I believe some of the choices I have made as of quite recently have put me right back in some of the muddiest water I have ever been in. I'm not proud of a few things I have done and there are quite a few choices I would do differently given the chance to go back. There are people that I've hurt that are the last people that to deserve to be in anyone's line of fire and I'm not quite sure how I sank low enough to do so. Apologies seem insignificant when you can feel the effect of your mistake without even seeing or talking to someone.

So I'm starting this new trend. It's called "Get My Life Together November" in which I am going to work a few things out. As cheesy as it is, I really don't think the water could get much muddier at this point so I suppose it's time to start blooming. I'm going to stop focusing on the things that only seem to be temporary pleasures and start working on things that make me the type of person I would want to meet myself. The song Drowning Shadows came out the day I started thinking about this blog post and the lyrics really hit home with me. If you haven't heard it, I highly suggest it because Sam Smith has such a weird way of knowing exactly what I need to hear. 

I was really hit hard with the inspiration for this decision to bloom by tons of things. First, in my dance class we were improvising for a long time and were told to think of a task to give ourselves while dancing. I happened to be looking down and decided I would try to go to all of the spots on the floor where the light from the windows made a shape, I worked my way over to the first one, turned towards the window, and was blinded by the light it cast. I went home that day and also found this quote that for some reason just really hit me hard:

Wow. I know that I need to love and respect myself in order for me to be able to properly do the same for someone else but I never thought about the fact that it includes the parts of me that maybe aren't so great. Just something to think about.

Well now that I ranted about how I'm horrible but I'm trying, continue on with your life! I'm sick of a life of temporary highs that just make the fall that much more shocking. It's time to seek out family and friends that care about me and pray and take time to reflect on myself and what I'm doing. Have a wonderful and wacky Wednesday (lol) and think about the lotus next time you feel as though your water is turning brown.